@fireland: One man. One dream. One crazy summer. Three wizards. Fourteen cobras. Ten thousand condoms. I dunno, I'm just listing things.

@kellysdf: Life was dangerous when I was young. We answered the phone never knowing who was on the other end.

@theshamingofjay: A soft drink is just a drink that needs a minute. Just give it a minute, this has never happened to it before.

@TheFakeCNN: Report: Scientist walks in on climate changing, awkwardness ensues

@NurseMurderer: Backstreet Boys: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Me: *slow dances with cats around a pot of mac & cheese*