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@Sean_Burgundy_: Me: Help
@MartaEffing: I shouldn't.
Ambien: YES. You should.
But I'm naked.
*stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!
@Carbosly: The elevators aren't working and I work on the 10th floor.
I just may become the first person ever to call in sick from the security desk.
@Tbone7219: A big shout out to my cat for hissing at an empty closet and keeping me in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
@Mr_Kapowski: The best part of Pitbull is he yells out "MR WORLDWIDE!," at the beginning of each of his songs, giving you ample time to change the station
@TheDailySchmuck: Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks.