@Lerky: Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests?
M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.
@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.
@arandomhim: I bet the guy who invented the percent symbol, %, got his inspiration from watching his wife put on a seatbelt
@aLunchBox: Ignorant person: "You're Canadian. You live in igloos, right?"
Me: "You're American. You live in McDonalds', Right?
@Book_Krazy: Me: The new guy's a lumberjack?
Me: He seems nice...
Me: I'll bet he's good at...
Me: random axe of kindness
@mstern68: [after first date]
Him: I had a great time, I'd love to see you again
Her: Yes, we should do this again sometime but with other people