@Lerky: Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests?
M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.
@JakeAupperle: Cashier: Cute kid, how old?
Mom: Thank you, 28 months & 4days. What's my total?
Cashier: Your total is 756 quarters & 8 dimes.
@heatherlou_: If his selfie doesn't make you kegal, you're just not that into him.
@Flattliner: People who drive very slowly cause me cognitive dissonance.
They deserve to die, but appear less likely to do so...
@WarrenHolstein: Police say Oscar Pistorius is a flight risk. How? Does he also have a pair of propeller feet?
@LindaInDisguise: Facebook is the biggest whistle-blower of them all, telling people I saw their messages.