@Lerky: Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests?
M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.
@junkyardigan: I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe.
It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
@Manda_like_wine: Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.
@str8upjuggahos: How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?
@Carbosly: No thanks, fantasy football. I already have a fantasy boyfriend, a fantasy sex life & a fantasy bank account.
@jonnysun: FRIEND: and this is my pug
ME: (thinkig to self) did that pug just say "oink"