@chuuew: ME: Hi, I have a 3 o'clock
RECEPTIONIST: Can I take your name?
ME: No. I need it for work
@Brampersandon_: ME (age 32): I never had many friends growing up idk why
ME (age 12): I hope my baby legs fall out soon so my adult legs can grow in
@Underchilde: I have the reflexes of a cat, but like if it was stoned.
@noxxhell: Finally getting around to shaving my legs, blow drying them kept taking to long.
@TheHyyyype: WIFE: it's your turn to change the baby. he left you a little present haha
ME: *opens diaper* how the hell did he get an x box in there??
@YourMomsucksTho: I can tell you from experience that the "fake it till you make it" saying is true for most things in life, just not flying a helicopter.