@chuuew: ME: [holding door for wife]
WIFE: Why can't we just buy an umbrella?
@MrsFancyPants77: I take spiders outside in stead of killing them because it's not their fault that I'm scared of them.
I do however, scream while doing so.
@SteveSuckington: *donates body to science*
Science: "I have a boyfriend"
@donni: It's hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt's house
@julie2288: 90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you're OK with it.
@bornmiserable: "Don't get any ideas." - Worn out light bulb