@chuuew: ME: [holding door for wife]
WIFE: Why can't we just buy an umbrella?
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Cleaning up is a superpower. Don't you want to be a superhero?
5-year-old: I'll just be a bad guy.
@lazerdoov: My mom has a podcast but you can only hear it if you have the password to my voicemail
@DomesticGoddss: Me: What's the suite number on that address?
8: It just says "Hashtag 301."
Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs.
*Things that won't get done today.
@JillianKarger: me at 7: I wanna be a marine biologist when I grow up! That or a ninja, prolly both
me at 29: I don’t know how to wash dishes without getting my shirt all wet