@chuuew: ME: [holding door for wife]
WIFE: Why can't we just buy an umbrella?
@trevso_electric: "Never Have I Ever" is a party game and fun way to find out who shouldn't be donating blood.
@AristotlesNZ: Apparently, "Dude, that's the best she's EVER going to look" was not the type of objection to the marriage the priest was asking about.
@LittleMissZesty: With me, it's not PRIDE that comes before a fall. It's half a bottle of vodka and a coffee table that I forgot existed.
@H0TMessBarbie: I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty.
@PinkCamoTO: Dear Neighbours,
"She's coming" isn't a great warning to give when I walk by and you stop talking.