@BuiltToTopple: You two, right there. You don't know it yet, but you'll be coming home with me. *points at hotel towels*

@fuzzlime: put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I'm motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream

@platinum2000: If you dropped two noodles on the floor, they would probably resemble my name more than my signature does...

@DothTheDoth: If a demon ever tried to possess me my first thought would be: enjoy that debilitating anxiety my dude.

@edgarrants: When life hands you lemons, help me throw them at the kids on my lawn.