@TheEighthKnight: Me: I have a huge crush on this girl. Him: What’s her name? Me: I’m not telling you. Him: What does it start with at least? Me: @
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@TimDuffy: Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year because half my family dances to remember and the other half dances to forget.
@TheToddWilliams: [job interview] Boss: What qualifies you to be a ninja? Ninja: I just cut your head off. Boss: That’s pr--*thump*
@tsm560: *thinks happy thoughts* *throws pixie dust in your eyes* *flies off with all your money*
@gruffybeard: Damn girl, are you the Sunday crossword because I want to spend all day doing you...