@LynneMcCarthy: What do you call a group of kids? ..... a migraine

@badbanana: Nice try, Clooney "wedding." I know a casino heist when I see one.

@afbradstone: Today I heard a guy on the street say, "It's chowder season, baby!" so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words

@ThRealBallsDeep: *Makes sure the new girl at work sees how much pineapple I eat at lunch* *winks*

@ThoughtOtter: Me at a wine tasting: *swirls glass* *sniffs* *sips slowly* *stares off into the distance* ...Ah, yes. This is in fact wine.