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@HughGoesThere: Me: I lost my virginity to Barry White.
Her: Really? What song?
@Bandersnaaatch: Whenever someone says they have "a thing" for me, I secretly hope it's a pony.
@RickyFabiyi: Huh? People check their hand after picking their nose, what do you expect? A piece of diamond!
@WhaJoTalkinBout: kids: can we get a lollipop at the bank
me: if you’re good *pulls mask down over my face*
@AngelaEhh: Do chicks with anchor tattoos that say “never sink” know that anchors are made to sink?
@3sunzzz: My husband and I have been spending a lot of time together. Now my boyfriend is pissed. It's like I can't win.