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@ericsshadow: Me: I love you so much
Calories: I love you more
@JohnLyonTweets: I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from.
@SteveSuckington: [first time having sex]
Me: are u sure u aren't too drunk?
Couch cushion: ....
@wolfpupy: (sees someone doing a texas chainsaw massacre) um can you not
@1evilidiot: [couples therapy]
"Have you tried sexy lingerie?"
me: yeah but it just creeps her out.
@SamGrittner: Don't hate the PLAYA... hate the Spanish word for beach.