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@GrantTanaka: Me: I love you
Wife: I will testify against you if required
@TheHyyyype: Hard to believe the Cubs last won the World Series 108 years ago. Most of them don't look a day over 30.
@KeetPotato: *gives gf a small gift wrapped box*
"aww what's this, youre so sweet"
"wait, is this my toothbrush?"
YOU DONT LIVE HERE KAREN
@That_Damn_Duck: How I wear a scarf:
1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder
2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it.
@0point5twins: QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER BY PEEING ON THINGS:
1. Am I pregnant?
2. Does my boss have a very forgiving nature?
@AthenaMystique: Dear Google Maps,
Don't insult me by telling me to head "southwest". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you.