@AYYSIAN: Me: "I want to go on a diet." Food: "LOL no."
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@hazelmotes1: Me: when I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut. 5 year old daughter: you're already grown up. You'll be dead soon.
@AK_Holica: Does anyone else's belt turn into a Rubik's cube when they have to piss like a racehorse?
@Schmoodles: I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn't tweeted in a year. They'll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t.
@FloodyHippie: I hate when I'm checking out a bag of chips, and the guy standing in front of it, thinks my lustful gaze is meant for him.