@Sanbel11: 1.25pm: Do you love me more than football? 4.25pm: Yes, of course.

@inmybox07: Me: I need a simple, easy hobby to relax and clear my mind Also me: I will teach myself metalworking techniques from the Middle Ages

@briancthayer: Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you.

@Love_bug1016: I'm Asian, but not wears a kimono, eats dogs, owns a bonsai tree, knows how to use chopsticks, waxes on waxes off, good at the math, Asian.

@iwearaonesie: me[holding wife's shirt] Can this go in the dryer? wife:What does it say on the tag? me:Gap wife:The other tag me:Oh wife me:Made in Vietnam