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@delusions_of: Me: "I'd like 3 ice cubes"
Refrigerator Ice Dispenser: "Here have 19"
@WheelTod: Probably the worst part about being a snail is how you can't put salt on your French fries.
@FINALLEVEL: Lol.. The Parrot is sticking to the code and won’t talk... Lol... I’m done.
@Dr_awfulpants: Who decided to call it an English to French dictionary and not a Two - Deux list?
@Canadian_Cutie_: Him: do you swallow
*walks away mumbling. How else do you think I eat. Idiot
@UncleDuke1969: ME: I'm seeing a little water staining on the ceiling. There must be a leak somewhere.
CONTRACTOR: When are you noticing it most?
ME: When I look up.