@causticbob: Me: If we weren't related, I'd totally sleep with you. Hot girl: But we aren't related. Me: Oh good, so you feel the same way too
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@JimGaffigan: "Hey you know how everyone's favorite part of the sandwich is the meat, let's add an extra slice of bread?" - Inventor of club sandwich
@Tmoney68: "Can I get a do-over?" - Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life....
@TheBeerGuy73: *smokes fat doobie* *enters hotdog eating contest* *sets Guinness World Record* *gets disqualified for using performance-enhancing drugs*