@causticbob: Me: If we weren't related, I'd totally sleep with you. Hot girl: But we aren't related. Me: Oh good, so you feel the same way too
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@MatCro: "Pete's coming for dinner tonight." "Pete from work or Pete who thinks he can walk through doors?" [Massive thud] "I'll just check."
@Lakelandr: I've eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
@ramblinma: My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.
@iTomFoolery: If it was the choice between having the last pizza on earth or the last sex on earth, which toppings would you have on your pizza.