@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is if you don't want me to walk into the women's restroom put words not pictures on the doors...

@TheTalkingPipe: I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.

@WilliamAder: Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

@Blarebare: Is Vanilla Ice's son named Vanilla Extract? Cuz he should be.

@weinerdog4life: Surprise your family by quitting your job and becoming a coffee table.