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@abedelrey: Me: in bed tired, comfortable and ready to sleep
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My dad said he couldn't get into Game of Thrones because he doesn't like fantasy so I asked him when he was going to stop watching Fox News.
@KimmyMonte: HEY UNCLES - KEEP YOUR GODDAMN WIVES UNDER CONTROL
@Molly_Kats: The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I'm 100% sure there's a murderer in my bathroom.
@lanyardigan: Please. My wife. She's very sick.
@TheMichaelRock: Shoutout to the dozens of people still trying to make Google+ a thing!