@putyoursisterd1: Me in HR: I wasn't trying to be condescending... It's just that the boss didn't understand and I thought the puppets might make it clearer.
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@TheMichaelRock: [at interview] Interviewer: tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'd rather not. I kinda want this job.
@The_Grant_Boldt: "Hi can I just have a single burger?" I'm sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship "But that's not eve- Please show some respect
@Bizarro_Mark: Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long.