@putyoursisterd1: Me in HR: I wasn't trying to be condescending... It's just that the boss didn't understand and I thought the puppets might make it clearer.
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@Milla_Jacobs: I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open
@Doyle_McLain: BREAKING NEWS ON FACEBOOK! Pam wants everyone to know what a great husband Don has been these last 8 years & for making her so very happy!
@419BillE: Friend- "You're drunk." Me- *mocking voice* "You're drunk." Friend- "Stop." Me- *morphs into clone of friend* "Stop."
@Reverend_Scott: Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? "Not with the proper treatment." *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*