@truegritrumble: ME: *introducing date to my parents* It's some kind of desert raisin.
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@notalogin: The order the Star Wars movies are being released is based on the order in which Yoda would count from one to nine.
@ValeeGrrl: Me: [sneaks off to lay by pool cuz kids are finally playing] 7yo: HERE I AM MOMMY SO YOU DON'T HAFTA BE ALONE Me: [sigh] Thanks bud.
@topaz_kell: Health Tip: If you find a pill on the floor of a public restroom, rinse it off before taking it.
@LousyBastard: I'm sorry I dropped your baby and doubly sorry I nudged it under the crib with my foot so you wouldn't notice.