@onedavedeep: So many Jesus accounts...and not one is verified

@ItsAndyRyan: Decaf means something is very, very Dec.

@SteveSuckington: What she said: wanna share some nachos? What I heard: wanna race to see who can eat the most nachos?

@yonewt: In the movies, anyone can hotwire a car in 10 seconds. In real life, it takes me 20 minutes to find the gas flap release on a rental.

@Whateverfitsme: Not sure if my cooking skills have improved or taste buds have adapted.