@Tommytoughstuff: [getting an x-ray] TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest. ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut.

@KamaroPayne: My kids are gone for the WHOLE day. nnI miss them SO much, I can barely bring myself to pop this 3rd bottle of Champagne.

@TheTrueDocLove: I'm bored I think I'll go to the mall, find a really good parking spot and sit there with my reverse lights on.

@SodomyClown: The worst feeling in the world is being in love with somebody that knows how to untie rope and run away while you're napping.

@texasstalkermom: If you keep laughing then you'll always have the last laugh.