@thenatewolf: ME: the internet used to come in through the phone. It made a terrible noise, like robots screaming. GRANDSON: hush grandpa take your pills

@BruceForce: Gravity is just the earth being really clingy

@Barknado69: [Marriage Counseling] Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren't relevant Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird

@oscarewilde: [therapists office] my wife: i have a fear of giants me: she has f- marriage counsellor: me: my wife: don't you dare say it me: Feefiphobia

@Savage_Scavange: I bet you 5390.24$ you can't guess how much money I owe my parents.