@MindyFurano: me linking you to my twitter
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@AndyAsAdjective: an alarm clock that repeatedly & loudly makes the sound of a windshield wiper going across a windshield that is not completely wet
@WheelTod: Me: How old is your daughter? Her: She'll be 4 next week. Me: *audible sigh (Slowly, emphatically): OK. But I asked how old is she... NOW.
@truegritrumble: BABY: *cries* ME: Get in line, buddy. PUPPY: *cries* ME: *panicking* OMG, WHAT GREAT TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU, MR. NIBBLES?
@Thrill_Tweeter: H: "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" "A puppy." "Pick something else." "A different puppy."