@Kyle_Lippert: [Me narrating a documentary on spiders] OH GOD GROSS OH JESUS DISGUSTING THERE'S ONE ON ME RIGHT NOW ISN'T THERE OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD
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@robesman: in 2016 if i walk in to your place and ask for the wifi password and you give me a paper with 26 letters and numbers i'm leaving
@trevso_electric: When I hear commercials say "win a trip for you and six friends" I start counting to see if I have six friends.
@zachreinert03: If I see someone is too drunk I take their keys. Not for safety, they're probably blacked out and just won't remember I stole their car.