@matt___nelson: [me narrating a documentary on urchins] "look at these boring moist porcupines"
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@TheDeducers: *Me ordering food, wearing a new white shirt* I'll have whatever is the most splattery and red
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I have never seen this before: You have no bones!" Me: "Really? Could the x-ray be broken?" Doctor: "Ignore what I just said."
@bridger_w: Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I'm bored of paying for things
@batkaren: LITTLE MERMAID 2016: SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!! ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*