@matt___nelson: [me narrating a documentary on urchins] "look at these boring moist porcupines"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DurtMcHurtt: ME: *posing nude for a painter* GUY PAINTING MY HOUSE: please sir...I have a family.
@AmericanGent69: Her: *whispering seductively in my ear* Tell me what you want baby. Me: *whispering back* I was thinking maybe Thai food but up to you.
@ArfMeasures: BOSS: Wow you made a killing on your first day ME: Thanks boss! BOSS: *puts hand on my shoulder* that's bad for a surgeon
@CarpeAngela: I just watched the girl next to me google "lack toast and tolerant symptoms" Symptoms: you have no toast but it's totally tolerable.