@matt___nelson: [me narrating a documentary on urchins] "look at these boring moist porcupines"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SomthinBoutSara: I'm gonna pretend my dad didn't abandon me but is actually on the missing Malaysia air flight and he'll be back
@OctoberJones: In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.
@LizHackett: I feel like I'm not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don't cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
@yazminda12: Him: how do want your coffee? Me: like my soul Him: *hands me an empty mug* Me: touché