@LOsepyan: Me? Need a Bag? Nah chill son, Ima juggle this 6 pack of beer and watermelon on my head while riding a scooter.
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@Elizasoul80: I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life.
@TheMichaelRock: My boss said to "treat customers like you treat your mother", so I haven't answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails.
@TheCatWhisprer: MAN: [after being mauled by a bear] oh it's just a scratch MAN: [with a cold] omg i can't breathe i think i'm dying
@UncleDuke1969: Yes! Great! Bravo! Hurrah! Yippee! Cheers! Hooray! Rah Rah! Woo Hoo! Whoopee! Awesome! - Excerpt from "Fifty Shades of Yay!"