@LOsepyan: Me? Need a Bag? Nah chill son, Ima juggle this 6 pack of beer and watermelon on my head while riding a scooter.
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@revious: My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole
@J0hnnyBlaze: 10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February
@QwertyJones3: Relationship status: I'm about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can't find me on the couch.