@kentgrossarth: Me: Nice flowers. Co-worker: They're from my boyfriend. Now I'm going to spend all weekend w/my legs in the air. Me: Don't you have a vase?
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@BuckyIsotope: Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased
@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
@LoveNLunchmeat: "Sorry, but none of my clothes fit today." My date nods, and politely avoids looking at my towel and safety pins.
@Elizasoul80: I tell my boyfriend I love him all the time and all he says are things like "make a left in 300 feet" and "you've reached your destination."