@kentgrossarth: Me: Nice flowers. Co-worker: They're from my boyfriend. Now I'm going to spend all weekend w/my legs in the air. Me: Don't you have a vase?
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@angibangie: Him: What long nails you have! Me: All the better to capture your DNA with if you murder me. *dating is easy
@noog: "I think that kid's a robot" What? "Look at his mouth" Relax they're just braces *backs away slowly* "That's exactly what a robot would say"
@Tommytoughstuff: ME: I heard glasses make you look smart. FRIEND: That's true. [LATER ON A DATE] DATE: Hi. ME: (wearing 20 pairs of glasses) Who said that?