@Sanbel11: Me: NO!
Him: What? I haven't even said anything
Me: Oh, you looked like you were about to
@trevso_electric: Just once, I'd like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
@allisulli: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Don't get me started
@Eightinchgoat: The next person to tell me I should quit smoking for New Years is gonna be responsible for me breaking this year's "no murder" resolution.
@BavlyOlwy: "what do we want?" "faster Internet!" "when do we want it?". Loading...
@HammerFist3: Cat owner : wow my pet cat really likes you
Me: yeah well that's just because I have at least 2 sardines in my left pocket at any given time