@hunz74: I went to a AAA meeting today and a guy celebrated 21 years. That is some responsible vehicle ownership.

@AntozWolf: People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

@jackmackenroth: Lately I've been getting in touch with my inner self. I really need to switch to a better brand of toilet paper.

@amydillon: OTHER KIDS IN RESTAURANT: Restlessly coloring on a placemat waiting for food. MY KIDS: Have already flipped over a booth & set it on fire.

@Breadery: Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if you've got a good throwing arm.