@phaggots: [texting my girlfriend] wyd? "Just finished my homework" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!

@NervousJr: my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them.

@Parentpains: Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.

@UnFitz: Who called them ghosts instead of post-existing conditions?

@obviousplant_: Added some new forms of payment to this store...