@NATxHAN: Me: Santa, why are women so scary?
Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me.
@fillthevacuum: The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can.
@pauvrelapinou: Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can't pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer
@Nahdude83: A roasted peanut is a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts.
@jordan_stratton: You're not impressing anyone, server who didn't write down our orders. You're just making us anxious.
@POTerritory: Strange how FB doesn't automatically add the enemies of your enemies as your friends,