@NATxHAN: Me: Santa, why are women so scary?
Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me.
@Darlainky: It's like 10,000 goons
When all you need
Is a knight
@HausOfAustin: Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant.
@Gilmatic: *nose hairs growing out of control
*buys tiny scissors
*jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs
[thinks back to the time i drunkenly watched Spy Kids 3-D & it forever ruined my netflix recommendations]
yeah i've got regrets
@oxygenplug: "Yo bro this horse is actin a little weird"
"Dude thats my dog get off"
"why is ur horse so small"
"Its a DOG"
Why u pronouncing horse weird