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@Iwriteforcats: Me: Screw you, Tuesday!
Tuesday: I have a boyfriend.
@UnFitz: "I got you, babe."
@ABurgerADay: Writing cuss words on the white space of textbook pages is marginally offensive.
@leechee420: Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
@donjuantip: ALCOHOL. Because no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
@DiamondLou69: My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss. I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never lifts a finger to do anything.