@djr_102: Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to "It's complicated" by posting "thanks for last night" underneath it.

@TheAlexNevil: Fantasia gave me unrealistic expectations of how much cleaning a bucket and mop would be motivated to do.

@VeryRudeTweets: I just got kicked out of my local Laser Tag and the police were called. Apparently stabbing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.

@Laser_Cat: Alfred: *placing pancakes in the shape of the Bat Signal* Here are your pancakes, Master W- Bruce: They're Batcakes Alfred. Say "Batcakes!"

@Dani_Feld: I just took out a spider so big that, moments after, the postman rang the doorbell and I thought it was the spider.