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@TheAlexNevil: Me: Speak. C'mon, boy, speak.
Dog: No, I'm mad at you.
@just1fool: Since I live my financial life under water I decided to put a "Beware of sharks" sign in my front yard.
@lwhit_the_boss: The government is so screwed up and dysfunctional, I'm amazed I haven't tried to date it yet
@Brianhopecomedy: MISSING: 5 year old
LAST SEEN: Moments after I said, "Bath time."
DESCRIPTION: Naked, sporting 20-23 Spider-Man band-aids
@RandomAntics: My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
@MooseAllain: If you are single, book a table for two this Valentine’s. Keep checking your watch. Order your meal for one, tearfully. Result: Free drinks!