@chuuew: ME: [spotting Diane across the room] Diane!
ANNE: ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!
@LindaInDisguise: You guys, I seriously never ask for prayers but this is an emergency. There is a rumor that Red Lobster might be closing. Pray. Pray hard.
@DirtMcTurd: [Giraffes at gym]
"What do you want to work on today?"
Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before.
"So...neck day again"
@Mr_Kapowski: After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back "Listen idiot, you're drunk. Just go lay down"
@NasriAtallah: The little-known fourth major monotheistic religion...
@Cryptic1iam: Why are they called condoms and not woody hoodies?