@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: (squeezing into a gown) I'm so sick of the fashion industry. Who do you even make these clothes for? Children?
Disney Store clerk: Yes.
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@iwearaonesie: toddler *begs me to take him to get ice cream* me: Ok [standing in line] me: Do you know what do you want? toddler: Chicken nuggets
@MissNaughty1801: I imagine some people are like...: 'should I take the shower?...no...I'm taking the train today...'
@SwoonTwang: I don't have tinted windows on my car because if people don't like watching me dance, they can tint their own goddamn windows.
@Schmoodles: A WASP LANDED ON MY BARE FOOT AND NOW I KNOW HOW TO RIVERDANCE.
@david8hughes: [at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water
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