@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: (squeezing into a gown) I'm so sick of the fashion industry. Who do you even make these clothes for? Children?
Disney Store clerk: Yes.
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@BrogaPants: what if "chicken patty" is just short for "chicken patricia"
@Robert_Beau: The Job Interview: HR: So you are bilingual? Me: Si HR: In your native tongue please. Me: Ooga Booga
@CheryeDavis: Not to get technical, but according to Chemistry...Alcohol is a solution.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: News: Hillary won the debate! My friends: Bernie won the debate! Trump: I won the debate! Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!
@Vodkantots: "We hug and kiss, but people just don't lick each other." -yet another lie I just told my toddler
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