@Chumpstring: SON: can I yell bomb at the airport DAD: no SON: I can yell boom DAD: boom's ok SON: how about "my mom's a lesbian now" DAD: please don't

@ticknada: Anyone that says I'm a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months

@BoozeWallet: [Mesozoic era] God: if u can't spell ur name you're going extinct Jellyfish: seems fair Pterodactyl: [to Brachiosaurus] this is bullshit

@jonnysun: be careful tonight honey, guys ur age only want one thing.... sports. so b careful not to look too much like sports out there

@girlontapas: *phone rings* *stares at it* *voicemail notice* *ignore* *text "Left you a vm"* *ignore* *act surprised when they mention it* Repeat