@fioses:

@: NUTRITION FACT: If you drink a gallon of water per day, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy peeing. Stay hydrated my friends.

@RichardDreyfuss: You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.

@kentgrossarth: Boss: Is that beer? You're not supposed to drink at work! Me: You're not supposed to cheat on your wife. Boss: You're doing a great job.

@HeyZeus666: Fatherhood Tip : If there's puke in your coat pocket and poop on your shoulder, you're holding the baby upside down.