@MissyBell71: When someone asks me, "Is this seat saved?" I like to say "No, but we're still praying for it" and I laugh because chairs are like, dead.

@HeyitsLori: A guy laughed at me because I only have a 19" TV. I suggested we not laugh about how many inches things are. That shut him up.

@goldengateblond: There's a crying baby on my bus and I'm all "shut up baby, you're not the one going to work."

@DominicGraz: I used to think Urethra was the name of a heavy metal band, until I found out it was actually a brand of vacuum cleaner.

@hippieswordfish: extremely suspicious that there's no information about brains that didn't come from a brain