@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *throws banana and waits for it to return, boomerang style* that's the last time I ever believe anything I read on Yahoo Answers...
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@Ygrene: Oh man almost forgot the trash *takes trash out, a nice little sushi place* This is great *sees wife there with the recycling* WHAT THE HELL
@KateWhineHall: 10yo: You know that's not what they mean by exercise, right? Me: Pfft. [continues shaking Fitbit up and down]
@Daniel_Sloss: Airport receptionist: anything to declare? Me: how bout these guns? *flexes* Her: OH GOD HE'S GOT GUNS! Me: wait.. I was.. Her: HELP!! AGH!