@Adam14: Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!
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@3sunzzz: So it turns out that you can't use Cool Whip as shaving cream, apparently. Narrator: Ursula needed 3 stitches in an undisclosed location.
@atDevin: I just read a story about someone finding a dead body at a Walmart. HOW EMBARRASING, I'd never be caught dead at a Walmart.
@AnOrangeSNES: [Victora's Secret] Wife: You're the most supportive person I know. *A person made of bras walks by* Me: Um what about that guy?