@jaslakhmna: ME to BF: "We need to talk about the future." BF: "what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?"
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@ItsAndyRyan: [Library] MAN: Do you have books on fire? LIBRARIAN: Yes, in the Chemistry section MAN: Come on boys! *Swarms of firemen enter with hoses*
@murrman5: are you the girl who has to type everything said in court? "yes" I'm sorry *looks back at prosecutor and answers his question as a dolphin*
@murrman5: [family hears me pull in driveway] wife: please don't wrestling announcer: sorry ma'am he already paid me. NOW ENTERING THE HOUSE FROM WORK