@jaslakhmna: ME to BF: "We need to talk about the future." BF: "what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?"
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@Sickayduh: "911 what's your emergency?" - I've been catfished by a dozen men "We're on our way" - Gonna arrest them? "Gonna shut off your internet"
@MrGynosaur: Sprinklers are just little heads looking around for their friends but they can't find them so they cry
@Sally5977: If you’re wondering at what age you’ll stop messing up your life know that it’s not 40 and apparently not 50 either.
@hazelmotes1: Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled "Teen Paranormal Romance."