@MaybeNik: me training someone at my job:
“You’re not supposed to do this, but this is how I do it”
@_ElvishPresley_: INDIANA JONES: this belongs in a museum!
*11 people die*
INDIANA JONES: this was worth it
@UnFitz: Fact: A childless person coined the phrase "Sleep like a baby."
@Lani_Hayden: Is amazed how I go to bed with normal hair and wake up looking like a beat up version of medusa. Am I fighting crime in my sleep? Wtf.
@Fred_Delicious: "daddy, the sun has disappeared!!"
[Neil Degrasse Tyson arrives on a Segway]
"listen here you little shit"
@shot_of_cabo: If you start a sentence with "Let me reiterate..." I'm gonna ignore it the second time too.