@BillMc7: me: *tries to help old lady cross the street*
old lady: I have a boyfriend.
@joeljeffrey: My first workout back at the gym was great... I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital.
@ch000ch: ME, HOLDING A MIC TO MY DOG'S MOUTH: who's a good boy
DOG: your mom
ME: please take this seriously
@greg_vee: If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet...
Then yeah... I'm about as self-helpful as they come.
@tylerschmall: Great, iTunes terms and conditions has changed and my attorney is on vacation. Just perfect.
@RobertJrDowney: Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.