@BillMc7: me: *tries to help old lady cross the street*
old lady: I have a boyfriend.
@PwrFulWmn: You attract more men when you smell like butter, sautéed ham and onions than any expensive perfume.
@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
@hazelmotes1: Me: when I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut.
5 year old daughter: you're already grown up. You'll be dead soon.
@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive
@TheHatdog: If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business.