@BillMc7: me: *tries to help old lady cross the street*
old lady: I have a boyfriend.
@squirrel74wkgn: My sense of smell has been gone ever since the, “smell this leftover ham” incident back in 2004.
@FatherWithTwins: I like to torture my kids by buying them a new Xbox game, and then taking them to the zoo all day.
@Mr_Kapowski: Voiceover: Continued use of this drug may cause but isn't limited to blurry vision, nausea, knowing the lyrics to the Macarena, diarrhea
@SteveSuckington: National product once got caught picking his nose and eating it thus forever being known as gross national product.
@stevevsninjas: So few educational toys today! As a kid, my Tonka dump truck taught me not to pinch the shit out of my finger between two metal parts.