@BillMc7: me: *tries to help old lady cross the street*
old lady: I have a boyfriend.
@IanDunt: So according to the PM, we're being asked to vote on basis of a plan which we are not allowed to see. You can tell she's a vicar's daughter.
@noogscorner: Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper "Perfect. Master will love you." This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace...
@shegotagronk: You're so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don't you.
@XplodingUnicorn: *quits Twitter to spend time with family*
*remembers what family is like*
*quits family for Twitter*
@philYama: If losing a debate, end a sentence with "see what I did there?". As your opponent tries to figure it out, hit them with closest blunt object