@iLikeCatShirts: Me [trying to sound intellectual]: okay, okay which came first turkey the bird or Turkey the *points at map*
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@CanadianCyn: The garbage man is late. I think he's been cheating on me with some other piece of trash.
@david8hughes: "Dude, we should swap spacesuits. Just for a laugh." "Ha, yeah ok." [swaps suits] "Now we sh-" "You took a shit in this, didn't you?"
@Tierno158: Doctors in Zurich, Switzerland, in a 14-hour operation, successfully separated the conjoined Facebook account of a husband and wife.
@TinaMav: Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper "You can see me?"..