@iLikeCatShirts: Me [trying to sound intellectual]: okay, okay which came first turkey the bird or Turkey the *points at map*
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@joeljeffrey: Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work. Siri: Lol
@ramenfuneral: happy easter everybody! remember it's not about the bunny but when scott stapp was nailed to that cross
@ShutUpThatsWho: [NASA press conf] "good news: we found a cat on Mars" REPORTER: & the bad news? "[recalls Curiosity rover running it over] uh it's sleeping"
@huntigula: Guy: Why does everyone call you "Gross Gary"? Gary: [filling a canteen with hotdog water] Nobody calls me that.