@JoanBaileyy: Me: " *types in password*, Password Doesn't Work" ** OMG I'M HACKED**.... *oh wait... never mind, CAPS LOCK WAS ON..*
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@ArfMeasures: [customs] "Passport?" *I lift up my bag & a severed head falls out* ME: OH NO OH GOD *still rummaging through bag* ME: I've forgotten it
@SteveSuckington: "Hello, this is Steve, my wife is listening." - How I answer every phone call since my wife bought Bluetooth for my car.
@stephenjmolloy: Pilot: "What does this button do?" *intercom turns on* Pilot: "Doesn't do anything. Not sure what any of these buttons do."
@Quartzjixler: I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this year I resolve that I will neither become the pope nor will I become a cannibal.