@JoanBaileyy: Me: " *types in password*, Password Doesn't Work" ** OMG I'M HACKED**.... *oh wait... never mind, CAPS LOCK WAS ON..*
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@WilliamRodgers: I played Dodgeball... I got Bullied.... I ate Gluten... I didn't get Participation Trophies... I turned out fine... So will your kid...
@Matt_The_1st: "Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter
@slooberbie: One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.
@Sirrruh: Bear: *lowers sunglasses. Is it *beary* serious? Cops:...Ok that's funny but but you mauled a child so yes. You have to go back to the zoo.