@djdarrellripley: Me: !!Ugh!! YOUR DAMN DOG IS STARING AT ME AGAIN!
Him: Just ignore him.
Me: I'm trying!
Him: I was talking to the dog...
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@DamienFahey: If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral.
@peterjames48: For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
@itsboyschapter: what dating me is like
@elynnbarlow: *Gets divorced* *Deletes 'actress' from LinkedIn profile*
@iLikeCatShirts: House 4 Sale: older home w/ character & charm. Lovely bookshelves. Ignore Matthew McConaughey, we don't know how he got trapped in the wall.
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