@WilliamAder: Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through.
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@rolldiggity: "I don't know where this rumor started, but Company and I are just good friends." -Misery
@GASmithIV: Like Rachel Dolezal, I too have been pretending to be something I'm not. For years, I've pretended to be white, when I'm actually a ladder.
@NikiWithIssues: It's okay when Pac Man runs all over the place eating pills and claiming ghosts are after him but when I do it I'm "crazy."
@fillthevacuum: Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets.