@WilliamAder: Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through.
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@ElgatoEsmio: We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know we're in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER
@Social_Mime: He is on that bird call website a lot. - My Mom describing me on twitter to older relatives at get-togethers.
@myonlymizztake: Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
@BooFricketyHoo: Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast.