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@Vodkantots: Me: Your baby looks exactly like you.
@leifromloihi: told my kid to sign my boyfriend's birthday card
@causticbob: Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
@jeffreyr77: Doritos - my own personal love triangles.
@weinerdog4life: I hate when people talk to me while I'm using the restroom, the other day, this guy was all like "Sir this is a display model at Home Depot"
@D2_Barney_McG: I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else's