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@dave_cactus: ME: Your doll is creeping me out! Is it haunted?
NEW MOM: That's my baby, you idiot.
@CroweJam: Be the change you're looking for
between the couch cushions.
@Fred_Delicious: PLEASE READ
@Sassafrantz: What a beautiful day! The sun's shining, the birds are singing, the neighbor's dog is taking a huge crap on my lawn...
@_ElvishPresley_: [sees Facebook friend you haven’t talked to in 12 years just got married] wow thanks for the invite prick did our 5 weeks of driver's ed together mean nothing to u
@: Did a crunch. Sprained an ovary.
0/10. Do not recommend.