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@funnyordie: Meanwhile, at the White House... #matwh
@slimmy_shady: Hey Pringles, It's time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn't exactly thin-wristed. Thank you!
@MattOswaltVA: is Quentin Tarantino directing 2016?
@DurtMcHurtt: According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.
@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
@joci2203: "Mommy when I grow up, I want to be a shoe"
-straight up killin' it at this parenting thing