@JustHadOneJob: Meanwhile in Ireland.
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@shatterpants: I think that whenever you become a parent, doctors should just prescribe whatever pills you want.
@FredPollack: I'm 72 minutes in trying to reverse whatever my 3 y/o nephew did in one second to the TV remote.
@Tetley6969: At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty. My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something.
@jake_lach: -"I was the girl that hated you back in high school." -"I'm sorry, can you be more specific?"